Our Helper...Part 2

As I shared in my last post, our helper, Marina, has been a huge blessing for us.  We feel very strongly that the Lord led us to Marina...and Marina to us. It was definitely a process coming to the decision of hiring a helper, and now that she is here, there have been many mixed emotions in this process that I did not anticipate.

First, there was (and if I'm honest, still) the guilt. Marina has five children and a husband in the Philippines.  Her youngest is 8 years old. It pains me to think that she has to be away from her family for so long...and that we get her time, love and attention.  I see the way she looks at my children and interacts with them, and I know that she misses her own children dearly.  There is also a fine line between asking her about her family...I certainly don't want to make it harder for her.  But I also have to remember that she has chosen to do this out of her love for her family...regardless of whether she is working for us or another employer.  It's with this thought that eases my guilt and blesses me because we have the opportunity to make this a great situation for her.  We get the chance to show her respect, appreciation, compassion and gratitude.  And we told her from the beginning that she is part of our family...so love is a critical component.

There is also the kind of guilt that says, "look at all she is doing...the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking...you used to do that...now what do you do?"  And this is where that luxury vs. necessity question comes into play.  This part of her job...the main part, I suppose...is definitely a luxury.  I certainly don't deny that.  But, it's also a huge reason  why I can love my family well.  I get to go to bed at a decent time and get the sleep I need.  I get to help my children with their homework and they get to have my undivided attention up to dinner time.  And we can begin the "going to bed" rituals earlier, ensuring they get the sleep they need.  On top of that, our weekends are not full of catch up work, and my husband and I get the date nights we need to stay connected.  So I am trying to put the guilt behind me and enjoy this season that we are in.  After all, it is a season, and it will be over before I know it.

I also hope that through my posts you have discovered that living in Hong Kong is VERY different, and we spend a lot of time on public transportation.  I think my greatest appreciation for Marina has to be with Sarah.  Since Marina came to live with us, I have not had to schlepp around with my baby all around Hong Kong.  She can have a routine.  I don't have to wake her up from her naps or take her out into the rain to pick up her sister. 

Now, it does come with it's special challenges.  We try to keep open communication so things don't get lost in translation.  But there have only been a few times where she has misunderstood what I have said, or vice versa. And she does a great job of giving us our space.  I wasn't sure if this was going to be a problem.  But she usually has some time in the afternoon and if she's not watching the kids, she "retires" to her room around 7:30.  We told her from the get-go that we are "hands-on" parents...we like to put them to bed and get them on the bus in the morning.  While I kind of feel bad that she spends so much time in her room...especially in the evening...I know that she is tired(physically and of us!) and probably needs her along time, too.

So before you decide that having a helper has nothing to do with survival...let me explain how my Friday afternoon works.  At 2:45, Marina, Sarah, Abby and I take a taxi about 15minutes to one MTR station so we can get into another taxi to go another 10 minutes to the kids school. Before we get there, I have to explain (and pray the driver understands some English) that we are just stopping at the school to pick up my son, and then we are going back to Tai Po.  So far, this has not been an issue.  We pull up to the school, I pop out and find Emma and Josh.  We rush back to the taxi where Sarah, Abby and Marina are still in the back seat.  I confirm that the driver knows where Hong Lok Yuen is located, get my stroller out of the "boot", get Sarah from Marina, and get Josh in the taxi...all making sure that everyone has the appropriate baggage.  Then, Sarah, Emma and I go get on the train close to the kids school because she has gymnastics two stops up on the MTR, starting at 4:10.  Meanwhile, Marina, Josh and Abby go home, Josh changes into his soccer attire, and the three of them walk to his practice which starts at 4:00.  Abby gets to play on the playground, Marina watches Josh for an hour, and then the three of them walk home.  Emma's gymnastics class runs anywhere between 5:45 and 6, and then we take a 25 min taxi ride home. And when I get home, Grace has made it home from school, eaten, and left for soccer...and dinner is on the table. And somewhere in the midst of this, Andy has gotten home. Yes, it is as exhausting as it sounds, but I am so thankful that it is possible because we have Marina:)

                                           Yes, it has been warm enough to go swimming

                                             Sarah, Marina and Abby having a conversation

                                                       Josh wanted to help with the windows

                                                      I'm not sure who was more wet after
                                                      bathtime?

Our Helper...Part 1

One of the most common questions we get is about our helper.  I have mentioned her in some past posts, but I thought I would finally tackle this topic.   To give you some statistics for background understanding, there are over 7 million people in Hong Kong.  About 4% of the population are domestic helpers, which accounts for almost 275,000 people.  These helpers come from the Philippines or Indonesia (about a 50/50 split), with a very small percentage coming from Thailand. While this may or may not seem like a lot of people to you, it is quite the norm here.  There are very few people that we know who do not have a helper...they are the exception, especially in the expat community.

When we first took this assignment, I have to be honest...having a helper was definitely a plus, especially in the season of life we were in.  I had never had a house cleaner, so the fact that someone would come in and not only clean, but cook, shop, laundry and watch the kids was pretty remarkable to me.  My first instinct was the blessing it would be just so I could spend more time with my husband and children.  But then, as my husband and I talked more about it, we wondered if it would impact our family time and impede on our space.  Most helpers live with you, which is actually the less expensive way to do it, otherwise you are responsible for their living accommodations and transportation. Was this really necessary or just a luxury?  We started to talk to others who had lived on this side of the world and kept getting the same message...get a helper.  While we didn't fully understand the reasoning since we hadn't experienced living here yet, we felt like it was something we should pursue.

We started getting "word of mouth" recommendations, which was very helpful.  When we were here in May, we even interviewed a couple women, but both of them needed work before we were going to be in Hong Kong.  One of the interesting things in the process was how often people said we needed 2 maybe 3 helpers.  Of course we thought this was ridiculous.  We couldn't wrap our heads around the idea of hiring two or three extra people to do jobs that I have always done on my own (or with the help of my family).  It was difficult enough to think of hiring one extra person.  But of course, we do have a larger family than most in Hong Kong...and we did get the response from employers we spoke to that our family was too large for their helper when weeding through the recommendations.  Still, we stuck to our guns.  We also decided to go through an agency.  We needed help in this process, especially doing it from the other side of the world.  It was important to us that we find someone who shared our faith, so the agency we used was given to us through a church contact and was a Christian organization.

To make a long story a little shorter, we were paired up with a woman who was still working in the Philippines and being trained by the agency to come to Hong Kong to be a domestic helper.  We were able to skype her a couple times, and finally, after all the paperwork was completed, she was able to join us the end of November.  Her name is Marina, and she has been an absolute blessing. She is a mother of five (one girl and four boys), so she didn't even flinch at our crew. While it has been a bit challenging for her (and us) that she is not as familiar with getting around Hong Kong as, say, a helper who has already lived here, she is a quick and eager learner.  And, we have both been on the same learning curve in this process...both coming without any presumptions.  We are working with a clean slate! This is something I have greatly appreciated and feel blessed by in the process. 

I will close this post with saying, yet again, that the Lord gives us what we need, even before we realize we need it.  We are so grateful for the advice given by friends, the recommendation of the agency we used, and the Lord's guidance through it all.  It was a long three months living in Hong Kong without Marina's help...and it would have been much longer if we hadn't started the process when we did, from the states. I will share in the next post of some more specifics of how this all works for us, but I wanted to share a little of what the mindset is here and how we have come to be where we are on this journey.