First, there was (and if I'm honest, still) the guilt. Marina has five children and a husband in the Philippines. Her youngest is 8 years old. It pains me to think that she has to be away from her family for so long...and that we get her time, love and attention. I see the way she looks at my children and interacts with them, and I know that she misses her own children dearly. There is also a fine line between asking her about her family...I certainly don't want to make it harder for her. But I also have to remember that she has chosen to do this out of her love for her family...regardless of whether she is working for us or another employer. It's with this thought that eases my guilt and blesses me because we have the opportunity to make this a great situation for her. We get the chance to show her respect, appreciation, compassion and gratitude. And we told her from the beginning that she is part of our family...so love is a critical component.
There is also the kind of guilt that says, "look at all she is doing...the cleaning, the laundry, the cooking...you used to do that...now what do you do?" And this is where that luxury vs. necessity question comes into play. This part of her job...the main part, I suppose...is definitely a luxury. I certainly don't deny that. But, it's also a huge reason why I can love my family well. I get to go to bed at a decent time and get the sleep I need. I get to help my children with their homework and they get to have my undivided attention up to dinner time. And we can begin the "going to bed" rituals earlier, ensuring they get the sleep they need. On top of that, our weekends are not full of catch up work, and my husband and I get the date nights we need to stay connected. So I am trying to put the guilt behind me and enjoy this season that we are in. After all, it is a season, and it will be over before I know it.
I also hope that through my posts you have discovered that living in Hong Kong is VERY different, and we spend a lot of time on public transportation. I think my greatest appreciation for Marina has to be with Sarah. Since Marina came to live with us, I have not had to schlepp around with my baby all around Hong Kong. She can have a routine. I don't have to wake her up from her naps or take her out into the rain to pick up her sister.
Now, it does come with it's special challenges. We try to keep open communication so things don't get lost in translation. But there have only been a few times where she has misunderstood what I have said, or vice versa. And she does a great job of giving us our space. I wasn't sure if this was going to be a problem. But she usually has some time in the afternoon and if she's not watching the kids, she "retires" to her room around 7:30. We told her from the get-go that we are "hands-on" parents...we like to put them to bed and get them on the bus in the morning. While I kind of feel bad that she spends so much time in her room...especially in the evening...I know that she is tired(physically and of us!) and probably needs her along time, too.
So before you decide that having a helper has nothing to do with survival...let me explain how my Friday afternoon works. At 2:45, Marina, Sarah, Abby and I take a taxi about 15minutes to one MTR station so we can get into another taxi to go another 10 minutes to the kids school. Before we get there, I have to explain (and pray the driver understands some English) that we are just stopping at the school to pick up my son, and then we are going back to Tai Po. So far, this has not been an issue. We pull up to the school, I pop out and find Emma and Josh. We rush back to the taxi where Sarah, Abby and Marina are still in the back seat. I confirm that the driver knows where Hong Lok Yuen is located, get my stroller out of the "boot", get Sarah from Marina, and get Josh in the taxi...all making sure that everyone has the appropriate baggage. Then, Sarah, Emma and I go get on the train close to the kids school because she has gymnastics two stops up on the MTR, starting at 4:10. Meanwhile, Marina, Josh and Abby go home, Josh changes into his soccer attire, and the three of them walk to his practice which starts at 4:00. Abby gets to play on the playground, Marina watches Josh for an hour, and then the three of them walk home. Emma's gymnastics class runs anywhere between 5:45 and 6, and then we take a 25 min taxi ride home. And when I get home, Grace has made it home from school, eaten, and left for soccer...and dinner is on the table. And somewhere in the midst of this, Andy has gotten home. Yes, it is as exhausting as it sounds, but I am so thankful that it is possible because we have Marina:)
bathtime?
No comments:
Post a Comment