Gifts in the Midst of Grief

Wow...it has been over two months since I have written, so I guess it is about time.  To be honest, it has been a very long two months.  But if I am going to document this journey we are on, I better get going.

Last Wednesday, my two littles and I got home from being back in the States for a month.  It was a very long and exhausting trip, filled with emotional highs and lows.  We went back to support our friends and say goodbye...one of the most painful goodbyes I have ever experienced.

Over 8 years ago, our family crossed paths with the Marlett family.  Our husbands were working for the same company, and we had met here and there at a couple work functions, but it wasn't until we unknowingly bought a house down the street from them that our lives became interwoven...beautifully.
At the time, we both had three children...one boy and two girls, just a different order.  Our children became fast friends and Nicole and I quickly started a routine of walks around the neighborhood and pizza Fridays.  It wasn't a surprise to me when they announced they were expecting baby #4.  And this just reinforced my prior thinking that we should have another baby, too.  So as all of our children are five months younger than the Marlett kiddos, we followed suit.

When Lucy Marlett was born, we were thrilled.  I couldn't wait to get my hands on that child.  She was gorgeous...red hair and blue eyes...different than her siblings.  Her mom declared from the beginning that she was here for a purpose.  Then our Abby was born...a first friend for Lucy.  And my how they grew.  Even though it became apparent early on that Lucy had some major health issues, these two little girls grew and enjoyed each other's company.  Then the diagnosis...Mitochondrial Disease...devastation and heartbreak.  But Nicole was steadfast and determined to live life and I was in awe.  This "living life" included a search for significance...a search for salvation...a search for a Savior.  This was yet another amazing gift I had received from God...to witness this transformation from new found hope.

Fast forward three years and our family was faced with the decision to move abroad.  Andy and I felt peace about going...except for leaving the Marletts.  We had become there "go to" people.  Lucy had been admitted to the hospital so often that I had lost count, and with their extended family so far away, they counted on us to help...whenever and wherever.  This was a privilege and a blessing.  We cherished their friendship and loved them...of course we would be there.  But God was clearly calling us to Hong Kong, so we said goodbye, trusting them in the hands of the Father who loved them more than we did and could fill all their needs.

That brings us to this past January.  Nicole and I had been in close touch, and she was keeping me up to date with Lucy's steep decline in health.  Finally, by mid-January, it was time.  It was time to make that decision to go home...to go home and say goodbye.  Lucy had been given anywhere from 1-4 weeks, so we made quick arrangements to be home by the end of the month.  This was a very hard decision and the longest wait of my life.  Grace had a lead role in her school play, so we decided to wait until she was done...we left the day after her show closed (side note-she rocked Ms. Hannigan in Annie!!!) We had to wait about two weeks from the time we made arrangements to actually leaving.  These were painful days to wait.  We had to trust in the Lord's timing like never before...wondering what would be going on when we got there.

I walked into Lucy's hospital room around 9:00pm on a Sunday night.  She was awake and pleasant, playing and enjoying her time with her family.  What an incredible gift!!!  I really anticipated getting to visit with an unconscious Lucy, if at all...so this was such a sweet blessing that I will carry with me the rest of my life.  The next day, the rest of our family was able to enjoy that same gift...incredible.

The next couple weeks saw an increase in pain and a decline in Lucy's health.  But God continued to shower us with His grace.  The day before Andy and the older kids were to go home, we had a birthday party for Lucy...complete with pizza, cake, singing happy birthday (in English and Mandarin!) and a special movie with popcorn.  While she was only awake for half of the movie, she truly enjoyed the celebration.  The next morning, Lucy took a serious turn for the worse...just after one half of our family went back to Hong Kong...and by the next evening, Lucy left this world, this pain, all the tubes and discomfort, to be with her loving Father in heaven.

Her passing was as peaceful as it was painful...for the rest of us.  The details are only for the family to share, but my arms have never ached so much to squeeze my own five-year old girl, waiting for me when I got home. It was a privilege to have been there, to witness this little life leave her mama's arms to be caught by her Savior's arms...and I am still processing.

What followed were overflowing tears, meetings to plan services, and lots of preparation.  These were conversations no parent should be having...and yet, we live in a very broken and irrational world where things like this happen and they just don't make sense. But through all of this, I was so blessed to be a blessing.  I was privileged to be there, to support, to cry, to enter into their pain with them and try to be their friend.  After all was said and done, and I returned a month later, I wouldn't have done anything different.  My husband is a trooper to hold down the fort for the extra weeks I was gone, and I am so grateful for my flexible children and friends and family who enabled me to be there... available.

As the last week has gone by, and life has resumed, I can't help reflecting and trying to takeaway any lessons I'm supposed to learn.  What has come to mind are three observations I shared about the Marlett family at Lucy's celebration of life service.  1) Live life to the fullest, pack in the memories, no regrets 2)Don't waste time comparing your lot in life to someone else's...just accept your path with grace and move forward. 3)Open your eyes to the Lord's work in your life...His fingerprints are everywhere.

Please join me in praying for this family as they grieve...and feel free to read more about their story and other ways you can honor Lucy Grace Marlett at allthemarletts@blogspot.com