"Where Do I Belong?"

Relationships...they are an essential part of our lives.  We have lived in Hong Kong for almost two years, and I have learned a lot about relationships and the differences and similarities there are here in Hong Kong versus living in the States.  This has been one area that has been quite different for me and Andy.  He came to Hong Kong and his day looks about the same as it did living in PA.  He cannot choose who he works with, but generally he is not isolated and is investing in people.  Luckily for him, he likes these people.

For an expat wife, living in a pretty local area, relationships are much different. Lately, I have asked myself the question, "Where do I belong?" It has been a challenge to find my place, and yet the Lord has provided some amazing people in our lives.  Some of these challenges I would have, or had, found in the US, but others are unique to living here.

First, there is age and stage of children.  I have been meeting with a great group of moms who generally have children that are my younger children's ages.  This has been extremely helpful, in most respects, because it has given me a place to go and hang out with some awesome moms who are trying to parent in Hong Kong like me.  Some times I feel like I can shed a little light on what is to come in the parenting journey, and they are gracious enough to listen.  But if I'm honest, my adventures into teenager hood and adolescent issues are what keep me awake at night...not potty training (although Sarah isn't too far from this fun!) So, while it has been a gift, I still have that "I don't quite fit in" feeling.

Then, there is the language barrier.  Our children are clearly in the minority when it comes to their classmates.  This does not bother them at all, and they have truly made some wonderful friends.  The challenging part has been for me to get to know their friends' parents.  If I do see them, it is at school.  This can be very intimidating, especially at the beginning of the year.  Since our child is usually the only Western child in the class, that would make me and Andy the only Western parents:) so we are pretty easy to remember, therefore, and other parents know exactly who our child is.  This is not often the case when I meet other parents.  I struggle to remember if I know them, what their name is, and if I have gotten that far, who their child is.  I used to think of myself as a decent "name person," but this experience has challenged that opinion. And, if I have gotten to that point, I am often "out of the loop" since most local parents speak to each other in Cantonese. They are not being rude (most of the time), but it is what they are used to doing.  Thus, building relationships with parents of our children's friends has been difficult...and that doesn't even scratch the surface of finding the time with busy activity schedules:)

Third, there is the distance factor.  This has been the most challenging factor.  Part of the reason for this is we live a bit "out of the way", which we decided was a cost we were willing to pay in order to have more space and be in a convenient location for Andy's job.  I would not change it, but since we have been living without a car, it is always an effort to get anywhere.  And, we are 30 minutes from church by car (75 min by public transport) and 20 min from school by car (45 by public). So generally speaking, we haven't found many people who live near us who attend the same school and/or church.  Then there is the decision to make the effort...just getting to some places is just plain exhausting.  I am hoping that a car will decrease this hurdle for us in many ways...that will be a future blog post:)

Another challenge is this is a very transient location.  And since the majority of the friends we have made are other expats, there is always the question of "how long will you be here?" Sometimes, I believe, this is a show stopper for some people who are here for the duration.  I had one friend admit to me that they ask what the situation is with someone before they choose to invest.  I understand this mentality.  So many people are here one year and gone the next.  But I am so glad that we made, and still make, an intentional effort not to hold back.  While there is pain in the goodbyes, or "see you later's," there are too many riches to be gained...and that really holds true to us today.

We find ourselves in this very situation.  When we say goodbye to HK for the summer, we are saying goodbye to two families that won't be here when we return.  They are two of our closest friends, here with us from the beginning.  In fact, one of the families we met even before moving here. To say that they have been our lifelines would be an understatement.  God has used them both mightily in our lives and I am so grateful that they took the time to invest in us.  Leslie and her family have lived across the street...across the street!!!...for the last two years.  They have two of the sweetest daughters who have befriended my children, and they have always been gracious in their hospitality and sharing kitchen items:) Leslie is also responsible for  getting me to run somewhat regularly, and she is usually the initiator in getting a group of ladies together to explore some new part of Hong Kong or  crossing the border into Shenzhen, one of my favorite things to do.  We have truly enjoyed our time with her and Eric, laughing a lot about this experience and coming up with inside jokes.  And while this is somewhat comforting that they will only be in the southeast US, Hong Kong will not be the same without them.

And then there are our "Aussie friends," who the Lord handpicked to save us from ourselves, especially in our transition:) Our paths crossed even before we moved...through a friend of a friend.  Andy was able to meet them here on business in July and we skyped as families at the beginning of August before coming.  They have four children (one boy and three girls), and often say that they are responsible for bringing us here since they were praying for a friend for their oldest...now one of Grace's besties:) I could go on an on about what they mean to us, but maybe for a later post.  They have been here for almost 6 years and it is time to go home to Oz.  We fully support them and look forward to visiting them in Australia:)

Finally, the last challenge we have found living in HK has to do with our US relationships we have and moved away from to be here.  This could be a whole different post altogether.  As we have now been gone for almost two years, we deal with two distinct categories.  First, is the fact that we have changed, and that unless you have lived here yourself, one really doesn't understand what it is like.  I do appreciate people asking, even if it's only to be polite. But I don't usually have several hours to scratch the surface.  And when is this experience going to get old for people to hear about? Obviously this has changed our lives, individually and as a family...so its important to us and we don't mind talking about it.  But we certainly don't want to bore our friends and family...we really try to be sensitive about that.

The second fact is that our friends and families' lives have not stopped...they have moved on, too.  This means we have missed out, and will miss out on a lot of important events.  And while we are terribly saddened by the hard stuff and desperately want to be there for that, or incredibly happy for the good stuff and want to enjoy it, too...we are not there. Period.  This is the hard part for me as we prepare to come back for the summer.  A lot has changed over the year.  Good things...bad things...and lots in between.  And the realty is that we haven't been a part of it...at least not up close.  So I am trying to challenge myself to have realistic expectations.  When we left, we were involved and invested in so much.  And in many cases, we can pick back up where we left off.  But, I am already finding that this is not the case, all the time.  Thus, I am trying to prepare my heart for the "forgotten" feeling...out of sight, out of mind.  I don't necessarily blame others for this...it's natural.  And again, if I'm honest, my feelings get hurt and I need a tougher skin.  But, it all comes under that same question that I started with..."Where do I belong?" And while I don't have the answer to that question, at least not all the time, I do have the answer to a better question, "Whom do I belong to?" And this answer makes all the difference:)

Beginning of May

The beginning of May has seen an increase of activity, mostly from end of the year productions.  I will try to document most and keep things up to date, but having four school-aged children means that some things will fall between the cracks.  So here are some of the highlights.

In addition to playing soccer for her school, Grace and six of her teammates joined a local football club near our home in Tai Po.  She has been training weekly with this team, and since January, has had several games a month.  It's been a great experience, and one we are looking forward to continuing next school year.  Grace has learned a lot, and it has been interesting playing with others, and for others, who don't speak your language.  She realized quite early that she shouldn't be in the front of the line for a drill since she will have to mimic what is done before her:) The team has really gelled together, and last weekend was her last game of the season. And yes, she scored a goal:)

Abby has also been quite busy, as she is preparing to move to the "big school" next year.  She is finishing up her last year of preschool before she moves to the Shek Mun campus where the kindergarten is located, and where her brother and sisters attend school.  She had her year end program where her class performed two songs.  She was very animated and did a good job singing with enthusiasm...as only Abby can:)

Friday, I was invited to Abby's class's Mother's Day Carnival.  When we mothers arrived, we watched a youtube video about appreciating mothers, then we were able to go around to different stations with our child.  These stations included a massage, pedicure, hand print, face painting, photo op, as well as enjoy a special waffle sundae...delicious! It was such a cute idea, and the kids and mothers really enjoyed themselves!

Finally, we went to Grace's spring choir concert.  This is one of four Friday evenings where Grace has something at school...very busy!  I really enjoy going to her choir concerts...they really do a fabulous job in the middle school program.  There are five different choirs, including one all boys choir, one all girls choir, and three mixed, depending on grade.  This concert was so well done, and Grace even had a short solo during a beautiful song called "Ordinary Miracle" She did such an amazing job it brought me to tears.  Looking at her up there, I kept asking myself, "Where did the time go?" and was amazed at how mature she looked and acted.  She was also given a leadership award from her teacher...another great honor.  We are so proud of her.

Today is Mother's Day.  It has been such a great day and I feel so appreciated.  I woke up to a bunting made by my children, and a bouquet of fruit that they had cut up the night before.  The only did a little complaining as we went to church in an Amber rainstorm, and then we went to California Pizza Kitchen after church. I was able to take a nap and Andy  made yummy sandwiches for dinner.  Then we got to watch Cosby Show as a family before bed.  I couldn't have asked for a better day...filled with hugs and kisses, and they all really tried hard to make me happy and give me a good day.

I am SO incredibly blessed to  be able to be a mom to five amazing children.  I don't take it for granted what a privilege this job is, and even though it is the hardest thing I've ever done, I wouldn't change it for the world.  I am so thankful for Andy who works so hard so that I can stay home with our blessings, and I am so grateful for Grace Elizabeth, Emma Rose, Joshua Paul, Abigail Kate and Sarah Jane who fill my days with such laughter, smiles and love,  Yes, there is our share of frustration and tears.  But I am filled with gratitude that God would entrust us, such imperfect parents, with such sweet, compassionate, also imperfect, but loving children.  By His grace, we will parent with His Presence.

Our Adventure to Lamma Island

So one reason I enjoy living in HK is that there are several random holidays scattered around the calendar.  During this last week, we have had two of them.  Last Thursday we had Labor Day, and yesterday (Tuesday) we had Buddha's Birthday.  I'm not a follower of Buddha, but I appreciate his birthday:) Now, it is odd to me that these days are pushed to extend a weekend...I feel like that is done often where we are from in the US. But, I will not complain, and it has actually been nice to break up the week...even though I am totally confused what day it is when we are back into our normal routine.

Last Thursday we joined friends from Australia, South Africa and New Zealand to explore and hike Lamma Island...a 30 minute ferry from Hong Kong. It had been on our list to do, and we thought that even though the weather might not cooperate, we should take the chance and just do it.

Our family caught our shuttle to the MTR station at 7:30am.  We were meeting our friends on the early side so that we could hike before lunch and then take the ferry back from the opposite side of the island. Our family made it to the Central Pier, two minutes late, but well before our 9:00am departure time...and we were not the last ones to meet...miraculous:)

We enjoyed our little ferry ride to the island, then proceeded to "hike".  In this case, hiking is simply following the cement path.  We walked about 30 minutes before stopping at our first destination-the beach.  After about 10 minutes of feeling the water and exploring on the rocks, all the children decided it was worth the effort to change into their bathing suits, or togs.  Unlike our past experience with "beaches," this sand was nice and smooth, and we didn't have any fears of stepping on creatures we could not see. The kids had a blast, swimming, playing in the sand, jumping the little waves that came ashore, and checking out the rocks.  The adults enjoyed the opportunity for nature to entertain our children, as we sat back, relaxed, and soaked in the joy...so much fun! Even Sarah started to enjoy it.  At first she wasn't so sure, but that she just sat in the sand and played.

After about 45 minutes of this fun, it was back on the "road." Kids changed, we had a snack, and then on we went.  The beginning of this leg was steep uphill.  There was some whining, but little compared to what we were asking of little legs.  The view was wonderful.  And to be honest, the weather could not have been better.  The rain had let up, but it was overcast, which probably saved most of us from a mean sunburn.  Also, the children were positive influencers towards each other, which just added to the parent's enjoyment. We finally made it to the top and started our slow descent.  We checked out a cave, smelled the flowers, and made it to our lunch destination by about 12:30pm.  This seafood restaurant was right on the water, and had big enough tables for all 8 adults and Sarah to fit at one table, and all the other 14 children to sit at the other table.  Yes, adventurous, we know!

Finally, the sun came out for a bit, and after picking up popsicles, the kids were able to run around at a playground while the parents enjoyed the peace of a pavilion.  Well, almost all the parents...when you have a curious little 20-month old, there is not much resting:) Then, we took the ferry ride back to HK...passing an enormous ship filled with crates.  It was beautiful to ferry back to see the skyline that we enjoy so much.  And that was our fun random holiday.  Luckily, we were back in plenty of time to get a little HW done and make sure we knew what day it was tomorrow:)