Relationships...they are an essential part of our lives. We have lived in Hong Kong for almost two years, and I have learned a lot about relationships and the differences and similarities there are here in Hong Kong versus living in the States. This has been one area that has been quite different for me and Andy. He came to Hong Kong and his day looks about the same as it did living in PA. He cannot choose who he works with, but generally he is not isolated and is investing in people. Luckily for him, he likes these people.
For an expat wife, living in a pretty local area, relationships are much different. Lately, I have asked myself the question, "Where do I belong?" It has been a challenge to find my place, and yet the Lord has provided some amazing people in our lives. Some of these challenges I would have, or had, found in the US, but others are unique to living here.
First, there is age and stage of children. I have been meeting with a great group of moms who generally have children that are my younger children's ages. This has been extremely helpful, in most respects, because it has given me a place to go and hang out with some awesome moms who are trying to parent in Hong Kong like me. Some times I feel like I can shed a little light on what is to come in the parenting journey, and they are gracious enough to listen. But if I'm honest, my adventures into teenager hood and adolescent issues are what keep me awake at night...not potty training (although Sarah isn't too far from this fun!) So, while it has been a gift, I still have that "I don't quite fit in" feeling.
Then, there is the language barrier. Our children are clearly in the minority when it comes to their classmates. This does not bother them at all, and they have truly made some wonderful friends. The challenging part has been for me to get to know their friends' parents. If I do see them, it is at school. This can be very intimidating, especially at the beginning of the year. Since our child is usually the only Western child in the class, that would make me and Andy the only Western parents:) so we are pretty easy to remember, therefore, and other parents know exactly who our child is. This is not often the case when I meet other parents. I struggle to remember if I know them, what their name is, and if I have gotten that far, who their child is. I used to think of myself as a decent "name person," but this experience has challenged that opinion. And, if I have gotten to that point, I am often "out of the loop" since most local parents speak to each other in Cantonese. They are not being rude (most of the time), but it is what they are used to doing. Thus, building relationships with parents of our children's friends has been difficult...and that doesn't even scratch the surface of finding the time with busy activity schedules:)
Third, there is the distance factor. This has been the most challenging factor. Part of the reason for this is we live a bit "out of the way", which we decided was a cost we were willing to pay in order to have more space and be in a convenient location for Andy's job. I would not change it, but since we have been living without a car, it is always an effort to get anywhere. And, we are 30 minutes from church by car (75 min by public transport) and 20 min from school by car (45 by public). So generally speaking, we haven't found many people who live near us who attend the same school and/or church. Then there is the decision to make the effort...just getting to some places is just plain exhausting. I am hoping that a car will decrease this hurdle for us in many ways...that will be a future blog post:)
Another challenge is this is a very transient location. And since the majority of the friends we have made are other expats, there is always the question of "how long will you be here?" Sometimes, I believe, this is a show stopper for some people who are here for the duration. I had one friend admit to me that they ask what the situation is with someone before they choose to invest. I understand this mentality. So many people are here one year and gone the next. But I am so glad that we made, and still make, an intentional effort not to hold back. While there is pain in the goodbyes, or "see you later's," there are too many riches to be gained...and that really holds true to us today.
We find ourselves in this very situation. When we say goodbye to HK for the summer, we are saying goodbye to two families that won't be here when we return. They are two of our closest friends, here with us from the beginning. In fact, one of the families we met even before moving here. To say that they have been our lifelines would be an understatement. God has used them both mightily in our lives and I am so grateful that they took the time to invest in us. Leslie and her family have lived across the street...across the street!!!...for the last two years. They have two of the sweetest daughters who have befriended my children, and they have always been gracious in their hospitality and sharing kitchen items:) Leslie is also responsible for getting me to run somewhat regularly, and she is usually the initiator in getting a group of ladies together to explore some new part of Hong Kong or crossing the border into Shenzhen, one of my favorite things to do. We have truly enjoyed our time with her and Eric, laughing a lot about this experience and coming up with inside jokes. And while this is somewhat comforting that they will only be in the southeast US, Hong Kong will not be the same without them.
And then there are our "Aussie friends," who the Lord handpicked to save us from ourselves, especially in our transition:) Our paths crossed even before we moved...through a friend of a friend. Andy was able to meet them here on business in July and we skyped as families at the beginning of August before coming. They have four children (one boy and three girls), and often say that they are responsible for bringing us here since they were praying for a friend for their oldest...now one of Grace's besties:) I could go on an on about what they mean to us, but maybe for a later post. They have been here for almost 6 years and it is time to go home to Oz. We fully support them and look forward to visiting them in Australia:)
Finally, the last challenge we have found living in HK has to do with our US relationships we have and moved away from to be here. This could be a whole different post altogether. As we have now been gone for almost two years, we deal with two distinct categories. First, is the fact that we have changed, and that unless you have lived here yourself, one really doesn't understand what it is like. I do appreciate people asking, even if it's only to be polite. But I don't usually have several hours to scratch the surface. And when is this experience going to get old for people to hear about? Obviously this has changed our lives, individually and as a family...so its important to us and we don't mind talking about it. But we certainly don't want to bore our friends and family...we really try to be sensitive about that.
The second fact is that our friends and families' lives have not stopped...they have moved on, too. This means we have missed out, and will miss out on a lot of important events. And while we are terribly saddened by the hard stuff and desperately want to be there for that, or incredibly happy for the good stuff and want to enjoy it, too...we are not there. Period. This is the hard part for me as we prepare to come back for the summer. A lot has changed over the year. Good things...bad things...and lots in between. And the realty is that we haven't been a part of it...at least not up close. So I am trying to challenge myself to have realistic expectations. When we left, we were involved and invested in so much. And in many cases, we can pick back up where we left off. But, I am already finding that this is not the case, all the time. Thus, I am trying to prepare my heart for the "forgotten" feeling...out of sight, out of mind. I don't necessarily blame others for this...it's natural. And again, if I'm honest, my feelings get hurt and I need a tougher skin. But, it all comes under that same question that I started with..."Where do I belong?" And while I don't have the answer to that question, at least not all the time, I do have the answer to a better question, "Whom do I belong to?" And this answer makes all the difference:)
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